After many years of experimenting with this information, there are only a few things I can share with any level of experiential certainty: The forces have a dark sense of humor!!! You never get what you think!!! And If you really give yourself to following your inner-authority, or your body’s consciousness, one by one every belief you have, all of your “sacred cows” will likely be challenged in the fires of experience. From what I have seen, it is through being radical in your approach of following your body’s guidance “To whatever end” that you develop this wonderful commodity known as the “watcher” or “passenger” consciousness.  For me at least, IT IS THE VERY FACT THAT THE MIND HAS AN OPINION, and it is the “SEEING” of the mind trying to argue for or hold a position, about who you are, what you should be doing, whom you should be with etc., that shines the light of consciousness and illuminates my process, of not listening, or at least not acting on anything that arises from a mental dialogue inside my head.  So when someone or something comes along that can actually get my mind off balance and get it revved up arguing for its position, it is a note worthy event… ENTER SENSEI ANGELA: Apparently, an agent of the forces, placed precariously in my path, to destroy whatever random clinging beliefs I had regarding martial arts…and the beginning of one more beautifully orchestrated cosmic joke.

See, the problem is, I actually studied martial arts for some pretty good chunks of time during my life, especially in childhood, and apparently had some old beliefs that needed challenging.  The funniest part about discovering I had these beliefs is that I truly had no idea I had them!!! I was both surprised and suspicious when my body’s awareness (spleen) lit up to begin the study of Kendo (The way of the sword) last year and although I am continually injuring myself, my body continues to say go, so I go…..it really is like, that to be flying along in this form, if my body says it is correct, then it is correct. As best I can, I  give no further thought to my actions…the form simply becomes fluid with the ways of the force, and I follow the body’s intelligence and allow whatever is about to unfold, to unfold.   “I” reside as the presence that watches the experience, with the same detached amusement that  many people may experience while watching TV …and although I was quite sure I was done with any formal training in martial arts…when my body lit up to Kendo, I just went along with the body’s guidance to SEE what would happen. As Kendo actually is the art of the Samurai/or in pop culture, the Jedi, and since I have shared for years that I see the undertaking and study of one’s Human Design as similar to the study of martial arts, something to be practiced daily, in every action and honed like any lifelong art, I guess my mind just accepted it without too much of a fight.

However, this had nothing to do with the joke the forces had in store for me. It all started innocently enough, when, a few months ago I was driving through town, and saw a sign advertising a new martial arts class, and my spleen (my inner authority) hit and it hit hard,  so I immediately turned into the complex and walked up to the gym. There was no one there so I got the phone number and sat in my car for a bit; trying to figure out what the hell the spleen was saying….that is what is so funny and still perplexing to me about having splenic or intuitive authority/guidance. I can get a “hit” or a clear signal, in my body that I cannot ignore and at the same time have no idea what the hell it’s saying is healthy for me!!! So I call and speak with the instructor Angela? And again as I was talking with her my body is “ringing” and  saying THIS is your direction….and at least, so far, each time I go to the gym I feel a ringing of health through my body…even as I write this I feel the vibration….very trippy!!!

So what I knew, or “thought” I knew about martial arts was that the teacher was supposed to be an old cranky dude, with white hair and a Fu Man Chu beard. There were supposed to be obscure riddles that you may never understand….and if you where distracted, even for a moment…the old cranky dude hit you with a stick. Now as you might suspect, Angela, or Sensei Angela  as I have begun calling her, is not an old dude with a Fu Man Chu beard, she is not cranky and I have not seen her hit anybody with a stick!!! Not yet at least!!! On the contrary she is young, pretty and nice (although I would NOT want to piss her off!!)  and I am convinced that she is actually KALI “The Destroyer of Worlds”….at least as it relates to my mind’s perception of what it “thought” it knew with regards to martial arts. Over the last few months she has delivered numerous death blows to my already surrendered and fairly beaten down mind…and has provided a constant  stream of entertainment for the a passenger or the witness. I find myself completely intrigued, at least in this present moment, with an art that my mind would have NEVER EVER let me be involved with.  For me, this is the greatest thrill of living from my body’s authority, to just suspend all belief and let the ride take you wherever it’s taking you….and if my mind’s complaining, that’s just some added entertainment, or an “In flight movie” for the “Trip”.

Sometimes during class it is all I can do to keep from laughing out loud, as on several occasions I have actually heard what sounded like train wrecks or glass shattering in my head.  I have actually had images of steam coming out of my ears. So many of the techniques and instruction are completely counter to the way I learned in the past. So, not only am I trying to learn a new form, I am also trying to forget what I thought I knew about another form. For me, at least, the unlearning seems harder than the learning, especially while I have a screaming child inside my head. Learning this new style on one level,  is demanding physically, and yet on another, it has been such an incredible challenge to stay present as I  watch the internal monologues and dialogues doing their best to disrupt my focus. It’s as if the forces have once again brewed up the “PERFECT STORM” of circumstance to really test my “PASSENGER” , as I sit and “WITNESS” this whole story unfold:  Here is my body or form having to be really present and unlearn in order to learn, and at the same time I have this box on top of my head screaming how not okay it is, with what is happening….and then there is me…the one that has the ability to watch this whole movie. Talk about awareness training, I could have never comprehended, much less orchestrated a Jedi training course at this level!!

However, the culminating moment, the moment which turned the spotlight on the true madness that resides between my ears, occurred one day while I was watering the plants in my yard. While I was doing some mindless chores, I became aware of an argument going on in my head, and although there is nothing new about that, there was a new tactic or strategy being used by the mind to try and get me to go along with its program, and when I caught it, I actually busted into laughter!!! My mind, obviously aware that I no longer let it make decisions about my life, had raised the stakes, switching from its usual monologue of “I am” or “You are” and was now hitting me with “WE are”. As I tuned into the mental chatter I actually caught my mind saying:  “BUT…. WAIT!!! WE can’t study this new style, WE ARE KUNG FU GUYS!!!!” at that moment I just stopped in my tracks, became fully present in the body and sat back with a smirk on my face while I watched and listened to mind making its best argument for why I could NOT do something. Now, I have had a lot of memorable moments in my process, but this was definitely a peak experience, as I stood in  my yard watching all of this take place, watching my mind not only try to influence me, and tell who I was and what was correct for ME,  but in addition, now trying to get me to join the WE gang…“WE can do this”, “WE can’t do that”…. etc…..OOOHHHH BOOOYYYY….I am still wondering who this WE IS? And how did WE get in my head?

So  guys, wherever you are at with your process, please be aware that everything, and I do mean everything will likely be called into question as you evolve through your journey. How could it not? Most, if not all decisions that people make are made partially if not solely based on the mind’s opinions. Then you meet Human Design and if it is for YOU, you learn exactly how to bypass or suspend thought and access your own body’s intelligence to make decisions about your life.  YOU align with the same intelligence, which keeps your heart pumping and regulates thousands of other functions that are well beyond conscious thought. You get to SEE, really see how your spaceship was designed to work, and through your own experimentation, verify the relative truth, or not, to yourself. Then you can begin your own lifelong journey of self discovery, Just YOU and the mechanics of YOUR form… no mantras, no gurus, and no beliefs required.

If this ride’s for you, then buckle your seat belt Jedi…because it is definitely NOT what you THINK!!!!

Aloha John

If you really trace and watch how pain works, there are only two core things that really trigger most people, Love and Money. And I got smashed with both on multiple fronts this last month!!!! Among other particularly nasty events dealing with both past lover, and friend whom I discovered had really betrayed and lied to me.  And money, or the ability to survive on the material plane.  Having to deal with the theft of a large amount of money, or at least for me a large amount, and having same being perpetuated by someone I loved dearly. And stupidly still do!!! Because I taste how much pain she must be in to do something so mean spirited, especially after years of love and friendship. “She” stole the money and “I” feel bad for her!!!….that’s how F…ed up I am guys…really, I am more worried about her than me….I have myself, and there is no amount of material or love loss that can rock that sort of foundation. It is not like I don’t feel all the same BS, hurt, abandonment, betrayal etc….it’s just NOT ME….it is the movie that I am watching. The movie sucks!!! And I would change the channel if I could, but it is a “movie” none the less.

However by far the hardest loss, these last few weeks, was the loss of my bestest friend in the whole wide world, my little girl Chow “Bongo”. I adopted Bongo from the pound in Carlsbad California  over 12 years ago. And although she had an incredible existence, it was still hard to say good bye. She was such a funny little animal, not very Dog like at all, much more like owning a big cat. Somewhere between a bear and an cat. She totally had her own trip, in public she would walk just far enough away to let everyone know she was NOT under my control. Like having a teenager that’s too cool to walk next to his or her parents. Yet she went everywhere with me. She would sit on the beach while I surfed, she would always be around, watching me, but not too close. I remember a few times in Encinitas, California, when she would come to the beach to find me, she would actually use the crosswalks!!!! And when she would get to the beach, she would sit there and wait for me to come in from surfing. Since dogs are not allowed on most beaches in California, the life guards would sometimes try and catch her. She would sit down and let them get just close enough, then run off again!!! Me and my friends would be sitting on our surfboards in the water watching this whole thing just laughing….she was so smart, and she was totally her own deal.

Bongo went from almost puppy like, even though she was quite old, to very feeble quickly. It was only really the last six months or so that you could really tell she was fading fast. In the end she could barely walk and we had many conversations about her letting go of me, and making the trip to the happy hunting grounds. “Putting her down” was a tough decision for me, but truly guys if any of you are still my friend and I can no longer take care of myself, please help me die with some dignity. When the day came, our local holistic vet and friend, Ihor Basko, “The Dog Shaman” http://www.drbasko.com/about.htm , came to my house as well as a few friends and we sat on the floor in a little circle and lit sage while she was getting the first in a series of pain killers. My friend Isa was chanting a song about the river of life, and I played my Native American flute, which was a bit hard while crying. Once she was completely knocked out, Ihor began administering the actual poison,  then we waited, then she needed more, then waited… then she needed MORE!!! It turned from sadness to laughter, my friends laughing:
“She’s so your “Dog” John, she is “A WARRIOR” and she’s not going down without a fight!!!! In the end it took enough poison to kill approximately 7 large dogs, or 3.5 grown men, to take a down a 45 pound Little girl Chow…..her spirit was strong  in life and so will it be in death.

Most of you are probably familiar with HD mythology, and have heard that it takes up to three days for a body to properly DE-incarnate. And although Ra does not believe that this is true for animals, that it happens much faster, a few hours even, being projector and not knowing when enough is enough, I honored the three day rule anyway. Actually 3.5 just to be sure, by keeping her on ice in a large “Fish Box” under a tree just outside my door. In the end, when I carried her across the yard over my shoulder, I had a very odd sensation of carrying a friend across the battlefield of life, something familiar about the experience. I had dug a large hole just up the hill from my porch, where I buried her and planted a new beautiful Mango tree on top of her.  Now I go and water “Bongo” frequently, and look forward to the days when I will be able to taste the fruit from that tree. Such is the wheel of life which continues to turn, and all of us will be dust one day.

The funniest thing about all of this for me is although my personal life has been nothing short of total Freaking Chaos since I began this silly experiment, where you totally LET GO of the wheel, and I do mean LET GO!!!! My Human Design business continues to grow at a rate that at times is almost overwhelming, I am amazed how many people want to come this way while all they have to do is look at my life and see that everything is going to HELL!!! It is as though the stripping of one form gives way to the next, but there has been nothing  gentle about it for me!!! My personal experience has been nothing short of mud and blood!!! A very odd thing to “witness” and “watch”, this whole destruction and re-birth process. So guys, as I shared with another friend recently “IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH HELL, DON’T SLOW DOWN!!!”

Blessings to you all, Aloha John

You then begin a step by brutal step process of deconstruction. That will take at least seven years!!!!

The Un-doing is such an incredible ordeal, it is really a process of self cannibalizing all of what you think of as “You.”  So why would some one undertake such an ordeal? One answer is because you cannot…not do it!!! However the only real answer is come “SEE” for yourself….come experiment and “SEE” what life is “Naturally” without the minds interference!!!…Discover for “Yourself” what it is like to not be able to worry, to not be able to want, to not care at all what happens or  “If” anything ever happens again!!!

The richness and the fullness of a “Life” in resonance with all “Life” (your Aura perfected as frequency) cannot be described in words it must be experienced, so if correct for you please come “SEE” for yourself!!! Through the experiment of  allowing the form to play its ”SONG” you become differentiated (different than anything or anybody) and “Unique” you take your rightful place at the “Round Table of Life” in a hall of “Kings”…to offer your unique perspective as a consciousness in form. By Un-doing and not moving towards whatever your mind “thinks” it wants, life rewards you by taking care of you completely…you are at one with all that “IS”… it is so ordinary so obviously correct and natural, the correctness cannot be denied!!! Your mind, now relaxed and not worried about it’s “Survival” can have a whole new job, a job of “Watching” how it all really works!!!

Or you can keep your job, your bills, your credit rating, and all those other “Really, really” important things that you must “have” or do that make your whole being “Sing” with JOY…look in the mirror…look deeply into your own eyes….do you love yourself? Do you love your life? Do you love life?… So the choice is yours…Mediocrity and a life of “Almost” good enough? a life of  not quite satisfied? or a Hero’s journey, hurled into the abyss of the “Unknown”!!! To discover one’s own personal “Mythology”!!!……It’s up to You and You alone.

ENJOY THE REPORT:

So much drama my own mind has incubated and then I spend ‘time’ trying to change it, by adding more to my mind so that I can be more in harmony with life, but this only made me walk the same lines, over and over again, personalized, and using my mind to change ‘my’ life when life was and is always here, “waiting”…inside.
‘MY’ is o n e … BIG … LiE
Discovering this journey isn’t ‘personal’ was quite the scare, but no fear…

Some people call it “Enlightenment” others “Depression”….regardless of mental interpretation it seems to be part of this process…it is a very real state the melancholy of No Thing…..The void of no thing can feel lonely, however it carries tremendous liberation as well…and if you’ve gotten far enough to experience this then turning back is no longer a likely option either…..So FURTHER!!!! Actually if the truth be known…I love getting these email reports…the only thing more fun than watching my own madness is watching you guys go through the same process!!!!!

ENJOY the REPORT:

We had an earthquake tonight….like a 5 pt. something…cool….there was a spider in her web and when it happened she danced around in this frantic little pattern. I spent these 2 days mostly all by myself and my ‘patterns’ have been all over the place. I went to beach yesterday…walked around San Clemente some….had some nice encounters with nice people, etc…..and felt, at least i thought was okay this morning…and proceeded to freak out shortly thereafter…mind attacks etc. It can be so hard to know what is ‘real’ and what is not. I’m just assuming it’s all fake, to be safe.

Ya know, I just feel so…like i don’t care about anything anymore. Nothing. Like I really am nothing. It’s not like I’m depressed….I don’t really get that anymore, not for years. And it’s not even like I’m ad hedonic or apathetic….it’s more like….nothing. Everything – every hope I used to have for myself, for my life….is just gone…like it doesn’t matter anymore…not an issue, ya know? I never intended to come here – to THIS PLACE….but it was just that….I couldn’t stay in the place I was before….so I had to go further….to the Next place. I am assuming, of course, that i wont feel like this for long, because my moods/emotions change at breakneck speeds – often 3/4 times in one day…..and of course -that is ALL my doing….I have fervently prayed every night to advance toward my truth swiftly…be careful what you ask for.

“It is, I think to you and me and I think…I think to everyone, it is the most exciting thing available to us…on our ride…is, is to..through waiting and realizing that you’re not your mind and experiencing whatever there is without your mind, you can get to this other place that is totally confirming by its experience and that you will lust for and it will motivate you to continue to approach it again and again because it’s so comparatively pleasant and full compared to what you’ve lived a life full, ya know.”

“…that thing that’s selling billions of novels all over the planet, Harry Potter and all these things. That people want to know this. People are just lusting and don’t believe that it’s real and have put it out in the world of fantasy and maybe your guides or your angels gonna help support you getting there or whatever, but even there you know, as if there’s any ‘there’ to go it’s…as I said before, it was like, if there’s any key it would be, you have to wait…you can’t come any other direction other than waiting and you have to know you’re not your mind and you put those two together and it…and something catalyzes and you start to become aware of what always has been there.”

If you would like to hear the complete audio please visit: http://www.humandesignhawaii.com/experientialhd/audio.html

This recording is in the last section on the page under “Field Reports”
Look for more coming from manifestor Ken coming soon….

It is all really, really simple….but then of course the catch!!!  You have to die to everything you believe (NOT EASY)….You will have to stop listening to your mind (REALLY NOT EASY)….and you have to screw it up again and again before the body locks down the mechanic’s.

This person is discovering right now the power of waiting, what it means to be in her frequency and her ability to recognize herself….This is the gift of Human Design, knowing YOUR AURA, respecting, and protecting YOUR AURA… “SEEING” how it all works…..after a while it starts to get a little easier, or at least you start to become acutely aware when you are “off” frequency…Bravo projector sister!!!!

Who would have ever “thought” doing nothing was the Holy Grail!!!!!!!!

From The Front Lines in S.F….enjoy the report:

I’m over the last open-center freak-out.  I would say that I’m established in a certain beginner level of my correct frequency. Now, when my mind goes crazy, I can recognize my open centers, I can not buy into mind (eventually), and I can recognize what the trigger was.  Few days ago, I mind-talked myself into accepting an invitation that wasn’t delicious. It knocked me on my ass.  It took 36 hours, but I came back to frequency of waiting, with only 1 fleeting thought of killing myself.  And now, here I am.

However in my work as a Human Design Guide I can also say that this is common, this is what the process looks like for many!!! Not to diminish the value of what this person is going through in any way, (it is their whole life, it is huge, it is everything) but to help you understand what we are really talking about here is a transformation, not a feel-good tune up. Human Design has the potential to change you radically, quickly and explosively!!!! When you wake up and see, really see for yourself!!!!  What the mind has been doing to you, you only have two choices….turn over and go back to sleep…or like this person, start gnawing on the ropes!!!

Enjoy the report:

My last day working is the 15th…so one more week.  I’m thinking I should be moved by the end of May at the latest….it just feels so weird walking away from the job, the money, the house, the relationship…all at once - but truthfully i feel really ready to do it – just a lot of anxiety, ‘mind’ bullshit, etc.

I can’t believe (well, ,yes i can) my Not-Self has gotten me into such a mess in my life — Wish i was somehow ’set-up’ survival-wise a little better…..but BURNING it all is the only way out. Period.

I’m hoping the alone-time will serve me well…

This isn’t even the hardest step….and where I’m going…feels pretty terrifying….all the ‘beliefs’ and ideas i have based my whole life on – love, behavior, accountability – and especially being a mother……crazy

PAINFUL    SCARY but kinda fun….I am a wreck but this is EXCITING

It is always the same problem the “mind” gets you to do something….

Lets take this little example: “Drinking”

Your “mind” thinks it is a good idea, you drink the “mind” gets what it wants for a bit….then you wake up the next day and the mind starts beating you up about it…funny the same mind that says drink, now says you are stupid for drinking….(you ever notice this…it is odd is it not?)

Now take that little scenario and multiply it by every fucking thing you ever think about…job, boys, money, alcohol, friend’s, movies food…whatever!!!!!! It never ends…the mind is always trying to figure it out…..with about the same success ratio……

Now lets take you…you are a projector…an alien on a planet that does not appreciate or understand you….you will have to learn how to love your self because truly no one else will be able to do that for you…in order to do this you will have to break free of “mind” which has ruled you your whole life…..this IS NOT EASY!!!!

I mention “Pain” because it works!!!! and waking your ass up from the dream of mind is a muddy, bloody business….it is not some new age fantasy trip……from my experience anyone that tries to tell you differently is selling something they don’t have!!!!

So it does not matter what the “mind” thinks it wants as long as you are not listneing to it…your fine….So while you are are practicing waiting, it is actually great practice to  not give the mind what it wants….you can just watch it throw a little fit……